Monday, July 12, 2010

The New Workout Plan

Hey there. I hope your life is going well.

From the time I wake up at six in the morning, to the time I make it to work, I must have at least half a dozen people trying to help me lose weight.

Those instructors on the early morning infomercials have discovered a miraculous workout that annihilates fat.

Those charming dieticians have developed nutrition plans that make the pounds fall right off! (I’m no doctor, but I think that’s called gangrene).

And those brilliant doctors created a pill that lets you lose weight without working out, eating right, or making any kind of vague effort at personal fitness! You could go into a coma-like state and still get fabulous results!

Of course, there’s always that antiquated method of staying fit—running. The problem with running is that it has lost its value to modern society. The average adult’s survival has nothing to do with how fast they can run.

That’s why I propose that the United States hosts a zombie invasion. That’s right, we need zombies. If you’ve ever seen a zombie movie, you know that there’s no workout like running from angry dead guys. Sure, there are probably consequences to this plan that I’m not fully contemplating, but you know what they say…

Wisdom by Warren:
Drastic times call for zombies.

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